9th Jan 2008

Daugther: Mom, may I got out and play?

Mother: You mean with those new jeans?

Daughter: No, with Jenny next door.

 

 

Teacher: The fleas we find on common pets are small and dark-coloured.

Student: Oh, I always thought that they are white.

Teacher: Where did you get the idea from?

Student: From the poem, "Mary had a little lamb with fleece as white as snow."

 

 

A lady customer entered a ready-made garment shop and complained to the salesman about the sweater she had purchased the previous day.

"You said that this is 100% wool. But inside there is a chit on which is written, 'All Cotton'."

Salesman: That chit is only to scare the moths away.

 

 

Father: Son, wat is H₂SO₄?

Son: Err… It's on the tip of my tongue.

Father: Spit it out. It's Sulphuric Acid.

 

 

Teacher: Dilip, can you tell me how many seasons are there in a year?

Dilip: Two seasons, Miss. Cricket and Football.

 

 

While Travelling in a train:

Son: Mama, give me some money. I want to buy some sweets.

Mother: Shut up, you silly boy. I don't have any money.

Son: If you won't give me the money, I will tell the ticket examiner my exact age.

 

 

Science Teacher: I have just told you that fire flies glow in the dark. Any questions?

Student: Sir, where do they get their batteries from?

 

 

Passenger (to a booking clerk): I want a ticket to Mathura. It's for my wife.

Booking Clerk: First or Second?

Passenger: Well, if you insist, she is my second wife.

 

 

Once an elephant took an ant on its back for a ride through the jungle when suddenly the elephant's leg got stuck in a ditch. The elephant was unable to walk comfortably because of the muck on his leg. Seeing the elephant unable to walk, the ant asked him, "My friend, is my weight too much? Should I get down from your back?"

 

 

Lady (to a photographer): How much do you charge for children's photographs?

Photographer: $2 a dozen, Madam.

Lady: In that case, I will have to wait for another four years since I have only eight children now.

 

 

Rohit: Why did you fix a bulb on your father's name-plate?

Sujit: To brighten up his name in society.

 

 

 

Two old men were sitting in a restaurant and ordering food.

Waither: What would you like to have, kind sirs?

First old man: I would like to have chicken Pattie.

Second old man: And I would like to have a glass of orange juice.

After the Pattie was eaten and the orange juice was drunk:

Waiter: What else would you like to have now?

First Old Man: Now I would like to have orange juice and my friend would like to have Pattie.

Waiter: If you don't mind kind sirs, can I ask you a question. Why didn't you order two Patties and two fruit juices at the same time?

First Old Man: That's because we have only one set of dentures between the two of use which we keep sharing.