10th Jan 2008

Mother: Pinky, what are you doing in the kitchen?

Pinky: I am helping Sanya.

Mother: And what is Sanya doing in the kitchen?

Pinky: She is eating up the sweets made for the guests.

 

Ritesh: My dad has George Washington's watch.

Sumesh: That's nothing. My dad has Adam's apple.

 

Once upon a time, a mother advised her foolish son to follow the path of his late father and climb the ladder of glory.

From the very next day onwards, the boy started climbing up the nearby water-tank for about then times a day. Fed up with her son's foolish act, the mother finally asked him the reason as to why he kept climbing up the water-tank. To this the boy replied that he was just practicing to learn the art of climbing up a ladder of glory of the high water-tank.

 

Mohan: Did you like the parrot I sent you?

Sohan: Yes. It was very delicious.

Mohan: Very delicious? What do you mean? You ate it up! I paid $12 for it and it spoke in six different languages.l

Sohan: Then why did it not speak when I put it in the oven?

 

Rajan: I feel sick as a dog.

Mohan: Don't worry, I will call the vet.

 

Son: Dad, when my results are out, what will u give me?

Father: A bicycle if you pass, and an auto rickshaw if you fail.

 

Richard: It is very hot. I hate summer.

Johnson: I don't agree with you. Do you know in some places water change into ice?

Richard: Where?

Johnson: In the fridge.

 

Mother: Is my son outstanding in the class?

Teacher: Yes, he always stands out of the class.

 

Teacher: You know the law of gravitation explains how we manage to stay on the ground.

Shilpa: Yes, but how did people stay on the ground before the law was invented.

 

Kishore: I bet you, I can make you say 'black'.

Rajesh: Go on then.

Kishore: What colour is Australian Cricket Team's Colour?

Rajesh: …Yellow

Kishore: Wat colour is sky?

Rajesh: Blue

Kishore: There you are! I told you that I could make you say 'blue'.

Rajesh: No, you said you could make me say 'black'.

Kishore: Okay! Now there you are! And you have just said 'black'. Haven't you?

 

Teacher: Balaram, show me Holland on this globe. (Suddenly the globe falls down from the table at the teacher's feet).

Balaram: Ma'am, Holland is at your feet.

 

One day two friends, Carlos and Nikolai were returning home from school. They both were passing by a lake.

Carlos: Nikolai, do you know swimming?

Nikolai: No.

Carlos: With so much water around, why can't you swim?

Nikolai: With so much air around, why can't you fly?

 

A boy is writing a letter to his mother from the hostel.

"This hostel is so good that they make me take a bath only once a month."

 

Father: I just could not understand how my bicycle was stolen when it was locked.

Son: On, dad! Was it your bicycle? I thought it to be of someone else's so, I helped the thieves to break open the lock.

 

Tim: Arun, my cat can tell its name.

Arun: Cool! What is your cat's name?

Tim: Meow…

 

Beggar: Sahib, I have not tasted food for a week.

Passerby: Don't worry. It still tastes the same.

 

A boy was caught stealing a watch from a shop. He was put in the lock-up. A criminal asked him, "Why are you after these small things. Why don't you go for big items like say, looting a bank?"

Boy: I can't do that because by the time school gets over, all the banks are closed.

 

Teacher: I asked you to draw a ring and not a square.

Student: This square is boxing ring, Miss.

 

A beggar used to stand outside a hotel and sing non-stop. This irritated the customers and they stopped coming to the hotel. Seeing this, the manager one day approached the beggar and offered him a sum of $10 and told him not to stand near the hotel.

The beggar refused to take the money saying, "The manager of the nearby hotel gave me $20 for this purpose. You must also give me the same amount.

9th Jan 2008

Daugther: Mom, may I got out and play?

Mother: You mean with those new jeans?

Daughter: No, with Jenny next door.

 

 

Teacher: The fleas we find on common pets are small and dark-coloured.

Student: Oh, I always thought that they are white.

Teacher: Where did you get the idea from?

Student: From the poem, "Mary had a little lamb with fleece as white as snow."

 

 

A lady customer entered a ready-made garment shop and complained to the salesman about the sweater she had purchased the previous day.

"You said that this is 100% wool. But inside there is a chit on which is written, 'All Cotton'."

Salesman: That chit is only to scare the moths away.

 

 

Father: Son, wat is H₂SO₄?

Son: Err… It's on the tip of my tongue.

Father: Spit it out. It's Sulphuric Acid.

 

 

Teacher: Dilip, can you tell me how many seasons are there in a year?

Dilip: Two seasons, Miss. Cricket and Football.

 

 

While Travelling in a train:

Son: Mama, give me some money. I want to buy some sweets.

Mother: Shut up, you silly boy. I don't have any money.

Son: If you won't give me the money, I will tell the ticket examiner my exact age.

 

 

Science Teacher: I have just told you that fire flies glow in the dark. Any questions?

Student: Sir, where do they get their batteries from?

 

 

Passenger (to a booking clerk): I want a ticket to Mathura. It's for my wife.

Booking Clerk: First or Second?

Passenger: Well, if you insist, she is my second wife.

 

 

Once an elephant took an ant on its back for a ride through the jungle when suddenly the elephant's leg got stuck in a ditch. The elephant was unable to walk comfortably because of the muck on his leg. Seeing the elephant unable to walk, the ant asked him, "My friend, is my weight too much? Should I get down from your back?"

 

 

Lady (to a photographer): How much do you charge for children's photographs?

Photographer: $2 a dozen, Madam.

Lady: In that case, I will have to wait for another four years since I have only eight children now.

 

 

Rohit: Why did you fix a bulb on your father's name-plate?

Sujit: To brighten up his name in society.

 

 

 

Two old men were sitting in a restaurant and ordering food.

Waither: What would you like to have, kind sirs?

First old man: I would like to have chicken Pattie.

Second old man: And I would like to have a glass of orange juice.

After the Pattie was eaten and the orange juice was drunk:

Waiter: What else would you like to have now?

First Old Man: Now I would like to have orange juice and my friend would like to have Pattie.

Waiter: If you don't mind kind sirs, can I ask you a question. Why didn't you order two Patties and two fruit juices at the same time?

First Old Man: That's because we have only one set of dentures between the two of use which we keep sharing.